This week, EMF enters a minefield of lewd! Will he come out the other side, or will he get blown up and have to reload a previous save?
EMF falls out with Equestria, part 15.5: Arkansas (A.K.A. The Weekend Reader: Close Encounters of the Pip Kind)
- EMF Scootaloo
The official name for this fanfic is “Fallout Equestria – A Mare Worth Fighting For”. But at the start of the document, it says “Chapter 20.5 – A Mare Worth Fighting For”. Most places I’ve been through seem to just call it “Chapter 20.5″. It says on Equestria Daily that it’s Kkat approved and considered a deleted scene, so for completionist’s sake I’m going to go through it!
Without being lewd!
Yes, that’s right. I’m going to go through Chapter 20.5 of Fallout Equestria without being too lewd. Some people would call this tricky. Others might call it suicide.
I say pressing E on mines is an easy feat, and magic makes it all complete.
No PREVIOUSLY ON today. This is a decimal edition. You can catch up with the previous one and this one in bulk the next one. I think that’s logical, anyway.
Good place to put a warning, anyhow. This fanfic contains LOTS AND LOTS OF SEX. I try my best to avoid getting into too much detail here, but if you click the link down there at the bottom, you’re entering the DANGER ZONE.
The chapter starts out by recapping the last bit of the mid-point of Chapter 20.5 word-for-word. So I’m going to recap the part of the previous Weekend Reader that covered that bit, word-for-word.
“Then LittlePip discovers that Homage has been practicing her massages, as she’s massaging her backside right now and it apparently feels so good. Homage whispers in her ear, noting that she’s under doctor’s orders to avoid strenuous activity but is listening about as well as most of his other patients. She then tells her she’s not going to apologise for helping her break them further and-
Then in strides our author for this optional chapter, Pacce, to take the helm whilst Kkat goes backstage to have a cup of tea. Or coffee. That’s another question for you, Kkat! Your preferred hot drink! What is it? Hot chocolate is not a valid answer.
So LittlePip grins like a little filly who just got given a lolli-
…no. Let me rephrase that.
So LittlePip grins like a little filly who just got a pony for her birthday just like she always wan-
…no, she is a pony. God damnit, you get the idea.
So she’s all like that but then she gets hit with the sudden realisation that OH NO WHAT IF HOMAGE REALISES I’M FOUR FOOT NOTHING AND UGLY even though there are probably at least five hundred bronies out there who’ve clopped to her. In another place, in another fandom, those worries would make more sense, but we’re talking bronies here. Bronies. If it’s a pony, they’ll do it. If it’s an action mare, doubly so.
The unfounded worry gets the better of her and she starts shaking all over. Homage expresses concern, which LittlePip dismisses so that she can worry a bit more. Hooray.
And then Pipsie… well, you know that part of a sex act that signals the end of sex? The crescendo? The grand finale? She performs it. It hasn’t even been a minute, so of course she gets all OH NO WHAT IF HOMAGE FROWNS UPON ME BECAUSE BLEH. Then she starts blurting things out that she regrets a second later and causes herself to remark that maybe she wants to tell Homage about the bed-wetting problem she had as a filly.
And then Pipsie reaches the end of the line again. That’s twice in… how long now? It’s hard to tell time from words. That’s how magical words are. You don’t know how long it’s been in that world unless a character brings it up. It’s also hard to tell real world time from words in a book. See, I’ve been at this for 23 minutes now and it seems like it’s been ten.
So then Homage decides to ask LittlePip a question. A question of Velvet Remedy. Whether there was ever anything between them and stuff. Gee, I wonder how she guessed that was a thing. LittlePip responds by saying that she was a voice on the radio, somepony to fill her fantasies with, but then she got to know her and realised that she was just a bully from the east. She went from Velvet to a bully and a beast.
…okay, she’s not that bad.
Then LittlePip says that she has no feelings for either of her male companions. Homage responds by saying that she knew that because she only eyed up mares.
LittlePip randomly end-of-the-lines twice. As in twice in a row. That takes something right there.
Homage proceeds to ask LittlePip a tricky question, as in ‘what do you see in me?’. She also decides it’s break time to let her think about things.
“Is ‘I was really really horny’ a good enough answer?” ~ LittlePip
Someone frame that and put it on a wall. I’m sure it’s the story of most people’s lives.
LittlePip then ruins everything by giving valid reasons, as in she’d always respected DJ-PON3 for being dedicated to helping people in the harsh atomic wasteland. Homage says she ought to try looking in a mirror some time, which is a fair enough point but if saving the same person over and over again counts the same as saving multiple different people then Calamity obviously has a bigger tally.
And then she compliments Homage’s rump and starts everything all over again.
And it turns out I missed a FINISH HIM because Homage reads off her tally of LittlePip fatalities and gets five, and Homage is never wrong about these things. The Stable Dweller quickly ups it to six. Christ almighty.
And then Homage decides to step it up like Sonic’s down taunt.
Yes, indeedy. She calls in the big guns. The really big guns. As in the ‘tongue action won’t cut it anymore, it’s time to get mofoin’ SERIOUS‘ big guns. Worthy of badass final boss music, in fact. In response, LittlePip calls in the crowning moment of funny.
“”It’s two dicks stuck together end on end,” I observed flatly.”
Hahahaha oh you.
You can probably guess what happens next, but I’m going to tell you anyway in as much detail as possible for your reading pleasure. LittlePip and Homage-
-before LittlePip decides that it’s time to turn the tables and quiz Homage instead of it being the other way around.
We learn that Homage likes LittlePip because she’s a hero. She likes heroes. She’d heard and saw them before, and they gave her hope that maybe, just maybe, the world would go back to its former glory. And then they all died.
She turns to LittlePip and says that she’s probably going to die very soon because she’s a blight on the wasteland, a light in the darkness, and that she’s going to have to report it after. That’s why she likes her. She wants to be with her before she goes, in the same way that a family gathers around a patient with terminal cancer.
LittlePip finds herself giving up. She pictures everypony doing terrible things. Everything being all fudged up and bad and terrible and dark and scary and generally Fallout-y. She even pictures herself doing terrible things. She tries to look for anything to believe in, and she fails.
Suddenly, Ditzy Doo.
She imagines Ditzy Doo. Derpy Hooves. With her blonde mane and her coat that she doesn’t know the colour of going around delivering letters and stuff. And then Cloudsdale explodes. And then she wakes up and is a ghoul and goes around saving all the foals before eventually taking them to a settlement and hopefully a good home.
She sees her later standing up for a foal too young to defend herself. Her tongue gets cut out. But she gets back up, takes some pipes, and beats on some slavers. The foal is taken back to New Appleoosa and teaches her how to write.
She sees her flying over Ponyville, making another delivery, hearing the cry of another foal in need.
She sees herself rescuing the ghoul pony from Ponyville. Thinking she’s a monster. She sees Ditzy Doo again, unarmed, about to be killed because there was another foal in distress.
I couldn’t find a song 100% worthy of accompanying this next moment, so I’ll just put in the best one.
And I’m not even going to paraphrase this. I said I didn’t do any of the actual chapters justice with my paraphrasing? I refuse to commit the sin of paraphrasing this. This is just glorious. Search the word ‘epic’ on the Fallout Equestria wikia and you’ll get this speech. Read it in its entirety. Now. That’s an order.
“I’m back in the present, and I can’t stop crying. I’m sobbing so hard my entire body hurts. Homage touches my back, and I stand up instantly. I suck back enough snot so that I can talk, and I choke out as loud as I can, “You’re wrong.”
I’m still shaking, but I refuse to stop. “I’ve seen some fucking horrors too! I’ve seen things so ugly that it made me wonder if that fucking war only gave us half of what we deserved for having such shit inside us. But that’s wrong!” I wipe my eyes so I can see. “I’ve seen goodness too; I’ve seen a town that dealt with Slavers for their livelihood give their lives to save the ponies they partially helped enslave. I’ve seen a band of Raiders turn a prison into the beginnings of a trading post, a whole new town.” My throat tightened, but I couldn’t stop now. “I’ve seen a pony who watched her entire fucking world die; she’s suffered every fucking thing either of us can imagine, and the only thing she cares about is helping.”
I stamped the ground. “I will not listen as you or anypony tells me that goodness is a blight. GOODNESS IS NOT A FUCKING BLIGHT!” I screamed as loud as my throat would allow. “I’ve seen things, and I know in my heart that we’re not beyond hope. We can be good. We want to be good! It’s just that in a world so badly broken, darkness has been allowed to run free for so long that they’ve convinced everypony that that’s the way it is now. Ponies just need to be shown that they don’t have to be scared all the time, and they’ll fight against the darkness again, and one day foals will laugh at the idea that there were once monsters in the shadows.”
I stood my ground and looked at Homage; she was frozen. “You say that they’ll either kill me or I’ll give up. Well they’re going to have to fucking kill me, because their world is a lie and I will not give up. Ever!” I breathed heavily and the tears dried up in me. Homage just stared at me as though she’d never seen me before.”
Homage backs down instantly and is converted to Pipism. She says that things are going to change, and when they do, it’ll be because LittlePip told them they could.
LittlePip makes a mental note to give Ditzy Doo a big squishy hug and Homage teaches LittlePip the way of the sex before they go to sleep.
Plot: Pacce really had you guys going for a second, didn’t he? No, this isn’t something you fap to. Well, you can if you want, but…
Anyway, my point is, if this was only meant to be fapped to, THAT SPEECH WOULD NOT EXIST. I rest my case.
Characters: OH MY GOD
LittlePip: Winston Churchill? John F. Kennedy? Adolf Hitler? (Yes, Hitler. Before you go all righteous paladin on me, he was charismatic and did good speeches. How else do you think he got ultimate power over Germany?) STAND ASIDE, YOU’VE GOT NOTHING ON LITTLEPIP.
Homage: YOU JUST GOT TOOOOOOOOOOOOLD, BITCH.
Spelling and Grammar: Gewd.
I so hope I don’t get fired for this.
Story: ‘Fallout Equestria – A Mare Worth Fighting For’
Genres: Grimdark, Crossover, Romance, So Much Romance, Damsels into Badasses, LittlePip is Guile’s Theme now
Length: 1 Chapter, 6220 Words (9th longest work of fiction written in English or something)
Link: http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/04/story-fallout-equestria.html (scroll down below Audio Books)